How to become the best version of yourself: The Savvy Transformation Method™
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If you want to know how to become the best version of yourself, you need to do these three things:
Discover who you are and who you want to become.
Refine how you think, choose, and show up.
Elevate the way you experience your life.
And then you begin again. It’s a continuous cycle of discovery, refinement and elevation. At every vantage point, there will be new self-discoveries and areas to refine, which will take you to the next vantage point, and the next, and the next…
Because becoming your best self is not about arriving at some perfect, finished version of you. It is about becoming increasingly congruent with yourself. This means that who you are on the inside is in sync with the way you live on the outside.
It is knowing yourself well enough to recognise what is authentically yours, being honest enough to see where you want to grow, and taking responsibility for the small choices that gradually move you towards the woman you want to become.
I call this The Savvy Transformation Method™: Discover → Refine → Elevate.
It is the philosophy behind much of what we do here at The Savvy Ladylike. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it owes a lot to my profession as a Business Architect.
Don’t worry, I’m not about to turn your life into a process diagram! Although that could be an interesting project. 😅🤭
But hear me out, the principle is remarkably similar. When I am asked to redesign a business process or an operating system, I don’t just march in and change everything.
First, I need to understand what is already there.
What works? What doesn’t work? Where are the pain points? What are we trying to achieve?
Only then can I pinpoint where in the process I need to refine and create a better experience for the users.
And once that improved process has been operating for a while, we learn something new. New opportunities emerge. New problems appear or new upgrade is needed.
The next round of improvement begins.
That is how I have come to think about personal transformation, too. We are not finished products.
We discover. We refine. We elevate.
And at that new level, we discover something else to refine.
What does it mean to become the best version of yourself?
I don’t think becoming the best version of yourself means becoming perfect. Nor do I think it means becoming somebody else.
It certainly doesn’t mean looking at another woman’s life and trying to reproduce it.
For me, becoming your best self means becoming increasingly aligned with who you genuinely are while continuing to grow into the woman you have the potential to become.
There are really two ideas within that.
The first is authenticity.
Who are you beneath all the layers you have accumulated through expectations, comparisons, circumstances and trying to fit in?
The second is growth.
Because knowing who you are is important, but it doesn’t mean remaining exactly as you are forever.
We are meant to learn. To develop. To change our minds. To become more capable.
We need to refine the way we handle situations that once defeated us. To expand our understanding of ourselves and of the world around us.
So I do not see your “best self” as a destination. I see it as a mindset.
You are not trying to become better than another woman. You are trying to become better than you were yesterday.
You do you. But make it the best you.
Why trying to change everything at once rarely works
When we decide we want to improve our lives, there is a temptation to begin with everything that appears wrong.
New routine. New wardrobe. New habits.
New diet. New morning ritual. New personality by Monday.
I understand the appeal and the excitement. Starting over feels productive when you are stuck. I get it. I’ve been there.
But changing the surface before understanding what sits underneath it is rather the right answer. It could leave you feeling like you’re living somebody else’s idea of transformation, and feels like cosplaying.
You can have the most immaculate morning routine and still not know what you actually want.
You can buy a whole wardrobe of new clothes and still feel uncomfortable in them.
You can learn every etiquette rule and still lack the confidence when you walk into an unfamiliar room.
You can create a beautiful looking life yet feeling oddly absent from it.
That is why, in the Savvy Transformation Method™, we do not start transformation with improvement.
It begins with discovery.
Step 1: Discover – Know yourself before you try to change yourself
I believe the most important question att eh beginning of any meaningful transformation is your why.
Why do you want to change? Why do you want to become more confident? Why do you want to be more elegant?
Why do you want a more intentional life?
Why does any of this matter to you? You answer has to go deeper than just simply I want a better lifestyle or I want to look moe sophisticated.
There is nothing wrong with wanting either of those things. But they are unlikely to sustain meaningful change unless you understand what they represent to you.
Perhaps elegance represents composure because you are tired of feeling flustered.
Maybe confidence matters because you are tired of remaining silent when you have something worthwhile to contribute. Or perhaps you want a more intentional life because you’ve realised that you are achieving plenty but not particularly enjoying any of it.
Your WHY connects the change you want to something you genuinely value.
Without it, self-improvement can quickly become another collection of things you think you should be doing. Another to-do list. And we all know what happens to these to-do lists.
Start with your current state
This is where my Business Architect brain reappears.
Before redesigning a process, I need a clear understanding of its current state. Then I design the target state and figure out an implementation roadmap to get there.
When it comes to redesigning our lives, we can apply the same principle.
Start by understanding who you are now. Not to criticise, but to understand yourself better.
Ask yourself these questions:
Who am I now?
What do you value?
What feels genuinely like me?
Where am I tolerating that I no longer want to tolerate?
Which part of myself have I neglected?
Then ask:
Who do I want to become next?
That gap between who you are now and who you want to become is where refinement begins.
Sometimes discovery is actually rediscovery
One of the most important discoveries in my own transformation was not finding a completely new version of myself. It was realising how much I had lost touch with an old one, the original Janey if you like.
I remember Five-year-old Janey was confident.
Very confident, actually.
She was a go-getter and did not take “no” as the final answer. If one route didn’t work, she would try another.
Then my life changed.
I moved to Australia with my family, and somewhere between trying to fit into an unfamiliar world and adapting to a new environment, I began shrinking.
The confident little girl who would throw herself into life became more hesitant. More cautious, and more likely to observe from the sidelines.
Years later, I was travelling the world and experiencing extraordinary things that five-year-old Janey could only dream about. Yet I was there, but not really there.
My husband once told me I had become boring.
Yeah, charming. I know! But sadly, he had a point.
Five-year-old Janey would’ve 120% thrown herself into those experiences in a heartbeat. She would be the star of her own movie.
But adult Janey had somehow learnt to watch rather than participate.
That realisation became an important part of my own transformation. I realise I didn’t need to manufacture an entirely different woman.
I needed to rediscover parts of myself that life had taught me to hide.
I suspect many women will recognise some version of that. So before you ask who you need to become, it may be worth asking:
Who were you before you became so good at being who everyone else needed you to be
Step 2: Refine – Close the gap through small intentional change
Once you have discovered who you are, whol you want to become and why that change matters, the next stage is refine.
I love the word because it describes both an outcome and a process.
Something refined can be polished and considered. But to refine something is also to work on it.
To remove what no longer serves you. To adjust. To improve. To fine-tune. Then try again.
This is much closer to how real sustainable transformation happens. It’s not like I discover a weakness and then tomorrow, ta-da, I become an entirely different woman.
It’s more like I noticed something about the way I showed up. I would like to handle it differently next time. What can I practise?
Refinement begins with reflection
One simple refinement cycle is:
Notice → Reflect → Adjust → Practise → Review
Perhaps you notice that you constantly interrupt people when you become excited. Or you fix your hair or adjust your clothes when you are nervous.
You don’t need to decide you are a dreadful conversationalist or a nervous wreck. You just simply notice it.
Next time, you practise leaving another second before replying. Or become less fidgety.
Perhaps you realise you become defensive whenever somebody challenges your opinion.
You notice the reaction. You become curious about it. You practice asking a question before defending your position.
Perhaps you discover that you avoid speaking in meetings even when you know the answer. That was closwer to my experience.
I realised I had a genuine fear of public speaking. I could’ve accepted: I’m simply not a confident speaker.
Instead, I treated it as something I could refine. I worked on the way I communicated. I practised. I became more conscious of how I spoke and how I presented ideas. Little by little, something that had frightened me became something I could improve.
That distinction matters.
What you discover about yourself does not have to become a permanent label.
Sometimes it simply shows you where the next refinement opportunity is. You just need to have a growth mindset and a belief that you can change.
Today, I spend the majority of my career pitching and selling my design ideas to senior sponsors. You can learn the exact steps I took to speak more eloquently here if you’re also not a confident speaker.
Personal responsibility without self-blame
There is another part of refinement that I think matters enormously. That is responsibility.
Some of the decisions you made yesterday helped shape where you are today, just as the choices you make today can influence where you’ll be tomorrow.
That does not mean everything that has happened to you was your choice. Of course, life often has a way of imposing things on us. Other people make decisions that affect us. Circumstances change. Things go wrong.
But even when we cannot choose what happened, we can choose how we respond and what we do next.
That is very different from blame. I am not interested in telling women to blame themselves for their circumstances. I am here to remind them that they still have control over their lives. There is something enormously powerful about being able to say:
This is where I am. I may not have chosen every part of how I got here. But what would I like to choose next?
That is refinement too. I call this the development of a savvy mindset.
Step 3: Elevate – Create a life you are actually present for
If Discover is about knowing yourself and Refine is about intentionally improving the way you show up, Elevate is where those changes begin to shape the way you experience your life.
And I want to make an important distinction here. An elevated life is not necessarily an expensive life. It is not a designer handbag, a five-star accommodation or expensive dinnerware.
You can enjoy all of those things, of course. I certainly love beautiful things and the feel of luxury.
But elevation without discernment is simply consumption.
To me, an elevated life is an intentional life.
You understand what you value. You become more discerning about what deserves your time, money, energy and attention. You’re spending for the sake of spending or experiencing things because you saw a viral video on TikTok. But when you choose to buy something, you understand why.
Develop Connoisseurship, not consumption
I increasingly think of elevation as developing connoisseurship.
That sounds grander than it needs to be. I simply mean learning enough about things you care about to appreciate them more deeply.
If you love coffee, perhaps you begin understanding why one cup tastes completely different from another.
If you love clothes, perhaps you start noticing the cut, fabric, proportion and craftsmanship rather than recognising labels, so that then becomes part of your dressing like an elegant woman ritual.
If you love travel, perhaps you become curious about the history, food, culture and local traditions rather than treating destinations as backdrops for photographs or merely a bucket list to tick off.
If you enjoy beautiful restaurants, perhaps your pleasure comes not from saying you were there, but from noticing the food, service, atmosphere and thought behind the experience.
You get my point. It’s not about becoming an expert in everything. It’s about slowing down and being intentional about your experience rather than it pass you by so quickly.
Stop saving your life for later
One of the ideas from my original article that I still believe strongly is this: stop saving your life for later.
Use the good china. Wear that dress. Book that trip.
Because if not now, when?
Make your ordinary Tuesday worth participating in. Not because an elevated life requires more beautiful possessions, but because the things and experiences you already value are meant to be lived with, noticed and enjoyed.
We have a strange habit of saving the things we love for some mythical future occasion that we think will be worthy of them. If anything, what COVID has taught me is to use the things I enjoy.
I used to save a lot of nice clothes for that ‘special occasion’. Then COVID happened. We were in lockdown for 2 years. After that, I couldn’t fit into them anymore. So I never got to wear them!
So the lesson here is, everyday life is still your life. Why not make everyday that little bit more special?
Anyway, the concept of not saving your life for later became even more real for me when I started working on presence. After recognising how often I was living from the sidelines, I began practising mindfulness and meditation.
I slowed down. I started journaling more deliberately, with a fountain pen. There is something about physically writing that makes me notice what happened rather than allowing one day to blur into the next.
And what surprised me was that I didn’t suddenly begin having a more spectacular life. I simply began noticing the life I already had. All the ordinary Tuesdays became a chapter in my story.
The mundane details became more interesting. I became more grateful. I was more present with people so I can record it. My relationships improved. My experience of my own life improved..
That, to me, is elevation. Not necessarily acquiring more. But experiencing more of what is already there.
If you want to start journaling but don’t know how, here is a guide to help you.
Elegance is part of the process, but it is not the whole process
I have always believed that elegance extends far beyond what a woman wears. It is visible in how she carries herself.
How she communicates. What she chooses to learn. How she behaves when things don’t go according to plan, like how to handle bad travel experiences graciously.
The way she treats people or behaves when no one is watching. That is why becoming a more elegant woman cannot simply be an exercise in dressing better.
Everything else you do changes you. How you handle conflict changes you. The way you enter unfamiliar environment changes you. The way you treat peple changes you.
Your appearance can certainly be part of refinement, and I have an entire guide on how to dress like an elegant woman, but clothing is only one outward expression of a much wider transformation.
If you want to explore that broader philosophy, you may also enjoy my guide on how to be an elegant woman.
Why Discover → Refine → Elevate → is a cycle
This is the part of the Method that matters most to me… Elevate is not the end.
Imagine you have spent several years becoming more socially confident. You begin travelling more. Because you feel more comfortable entering unfamiliar envrionments, you expose yourself to different cultures, ideas, food, art and ways of living.
Those experiences change your perspective. You discover something new about yourself. Perhaps you realise you want more creativity in your life. Perhaps your definition of success changes.
Perhaps you discover that a life you once aspired to no longer interests you. Or perhaps you just think: Oh. I didn’t know this existed. I want to understand more. And suddenly, you are back at Discover.
Not because the previous cycle failed. On the contrary, it worked. You have elevated and reached a vantage point from which you can now see something you could not see before.
That new discovery gives you something else to refine. And that refinement elevates another part of your life, taking you to the next vantage point. Then you discover again.
This is why I do not believe there is a final version of you waiting at the end of some self-improvement marathon.
You are alive and will be ever evolving. The world will change. Your priorities will change. Your understanding will deepen. You will gain more wisdom,
The Savvy Transformation Method™ is therefore not a staircase you climbe once. It is a cycle you return to throughout your life.
How do I know who I want to become?
If you genuinely do not know, do not invent a perfect future woman from social media. Start closer to home.
Ask yourself what qualities do I admire in women I respect?
Not what they own. Not what they look like. But what qualities they exhibit. Such as curiosity, composed, warmth, decisiveness, elegance, adventurousness, well-read, generous. Are they a confident speaker? Are they good listeners?
Then ask why those qualities appeal to you. You are looking for clues about your own values.
You may also find my guide on how to reinvent yourself useful if you are at a stage where an old identity no longer fits.
How do I transform my life without changing everything at once?
Please do not try to. Choose one single thing to work on. One behaviour. One habit.
Perhaps there’s this one situation that repeatedly bothers you.
Refine that.
If you constantly feel rushed in the morning, begin there. Start by waking up 15min earlier.
If you avoid difficult conversations, begin there.
If your wardrobe no longer reflects you, begin there.
If you spend every evening scrolling and wonder where your time went, begin by setting a time limit for scrolling.
These little habits will compound over time. One refinement changes what becomes possiblel next.
How do I become better without losing who I am?
By understanding that growth and authenticity are not opposites.
You are not preserving authenticity by refusing to change. Nor are you growing authentically if every change is based on somebody else’s expectations.
So the question is not how can I become more like?
It is what do I recongise in her that I want to cultivate more deeply in myself?
That keeps the transfomration yours.
How long does it take to become the best Version of yourself?
Well, a lifetime actually.
I realise that is not a satisfying answer. But I think it is the truthful one. You can make meaningful changes quite quickly.
You can improve a habit. Learn a skill. Change a boundary. Refine the way you communicate. Become more intentional with your time.
But becoming your “best self” is not a twelve-week challenge you complete and then graduate from. The objective is not completion. It is participation. To remain awake enough to your own life to keep noticing:
Who am I now?
Who am I becoming?
What would I like to refine next?
A simple Savvy Transformation Exercise
If you want to begin today, take out a notebook and create three headings:
Discover
Write down: Who am I today? Who do I want to become? Why does that matter to me?
Then identify one meaningful gap between the two.
Refine
Ask what is one small behaviour, habit, belief or skill I could work on that would begin closing that gap?
Make it small enough to practise in real life and make it practical.
Instead of becoming confident, try to speak once in the next meeting instead of remaining silent.
Instead of becoming sophisticated, try reading about the exhibition before I visit so I understand what I am seeing.
Instead of trying to live more intentionally, try putting my phone away during dinner.
Elevate
Ask yourself:
If I practised this consistently, what time become better about the way I experience my life?
That is your starting cycle. Not your ten-year plan. Your next cycle.
You are not a finished product
I think this is what I find most comforting about personal transformation. There is no moment when you have to announce
There. Finished. Best version of me achieved.
The woman you become will discover things the woman you are today wouldn’t yet know. She will enter rooms you have not entered. Build relationships you have not built.
She will change her mind. Develop new tastes. Outgrow old assumptions. She will discover something new that delights her.
And all of that gives her new material to work with.
So if you are wondering how to become the best oversion of yourself, do not begin by trying to overhaul your entire life.
Begin here:
Discover yourself honestly.
Refine yourself intentionally.
Elevate your life thoughtfully.
Then stay curious enough to begin again. Your transformation should never make you less yourself. It should help evolve you to become more fully, deliberately and confidently you.
Most importantly, you do you, but make it the best you.
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Great shots and post as always
Thanks babes 😘😘
I loved your article, I saved it to my favorites in my browser to later see other content.
blog:Perfil dos famosos
Ooh thank you so much my friend!! You have just made my day!! ☺️☺️ Feel free you also join my mailing list to be the first to know about new posts, so you don’t miss out on any. Thank you so so much for stopping by!! 🙏🏼
Embracing a Modern Stylish Life is all about classing up and elevating your lifestyle effortlessly. Start by curating your surroundings with clean, elegant design, then invest in timeless fashion pieces, and prioritize wellness for a well-rounded, chic existence.
Yes absolutely!! And I love how you have so eloquently put it!! 🥹🥹
Amazing article, so empowering! Thank you so much! I’ve just discovered your blog and it’s my favourite now.
Awww Irene, thank you so much, you have literally made my day!! I really appreciate your kind words and thank you for stopping by!! Xxx
Ps welcome to the family my Lady! 🥰🥰